Which way to the gays please? Part 2.

Now that I had decided that I was going to go to my first gay bar, there were some things that I had to figure out before I embarked on my journey. 1.) What the hell do I wear? 2.) What time should I go? 3.) How do I get there? I hardly knew my way around Pittsburgh at all. Pittsburgh is not that difficult to get around in..... if you're from there. Otherwise, it can feel like you are trapped in some maddening labyrinth, but I wasn't going to worry about that at this time. I had to figure out what I was going to wear!

My parents placed great emphasis on appearance. I even remember having leisure suits during my preschool years. One had a powder blue jacket with navy blue pants, and the other was chocolate brown. We were always told that we represented God, and we had to look our best. Were leisure suits the best thing that God could come up with for me to wear? Is this what he wore? I had visions of God and the angels all dressed in various colors of leisure suits raking the shag carpet that surely must line the floors of heaven, (remember, carpet is important to God). Anyway, this may give some insight to my life-long obsession with appearance, (sidebar: my brother and I both were voted best dressed of our senior classes in high school). I did have a nice pair of jeans that were, shall we say, flattering. I decided to wear these jeans, a crisp white shirt and a black cashmere sport coat. I figured that this would be a smart outfit because I would not require a winter coat that I would have to keep track of all evening like an unwanted child. Plus, I was pleased with how it looked.

Okay. I've decided what to wear. Now, what time do I go? Think, think, think.... happy hour is usually at 5:00 PM right? Okay. I'll arrive at 5:00 PM, but I have to allow enough time to drive the 45 miles, and to find my way around. I had better leave at 3:00 PM. If I need to leave at 3:00 PM, I'll have to start getting ready at 2:00 PM. It was only Wednesday. It would be two days before any of this would occur.

Friday finally arrived. I had the day off of work. I started to get ready at 2:00 PM. While getting dressed, it dawned on me that my jeans would be entirely too wrinkled from sitting in the car, so decided to put on a different pair and simply change into the jeans that go with my outfit when I get there (this is almost getting too embarassing to write). Ahh.... youth.

As it turns out, I found my way pretty easily to the bar. There was a parking garage three doors down, so I entered the garage to park. I finally found a spot, so now it's time to change my pants. Have you ever tried to change your pants while seated in the driver's seat of a car? Not fun. After several minutes of looking like I was having convulsions in my parked car, I finally had to just get out of the car and change my pants, all the while praying that nobody saw me. Fashion is always worth risk taking, or so I thought at the time.

Okay. I'm finally here. It's now time to lock the car, and head into the bar.... my first gay bar.... with gay people in it....

To be continued...